Teen Spirit by Gary Huggins

When I was young I wanted to be Kurt Cobain
so I cut into my skin leaked teen spirit
not understanding at the time
that teen spirit was merely the name of an American deodorant
I romanticised suicide
made several attempts
no thought of the pain
it would have caused others
When I was young I wanted to live the rock and roll dream
so I learnt how to play guitar
started a punk rock band
stole money from kids who wanted me to buy them cigarettes
drank underage started fights
baggy jeans t-shirts and patches
got me beat senseless by the local hood rats
Mum and dad broke up
so did most my friends parents
Dad got made redundant
at a factory my late granddad helped to found
we lost the house
I destroyed the remains
breaking in through the kitchen window
throwing a party
bigger kids came
causing thousands of pounds worth of  damage
my parents had to pay
still I was told a wife a job a mortgage
was the path every sensible citizen should take
it didn’t seem sensible to me
as I watched the twin towers fall on tv
the country joining up with the yanks and going to war
death death and more death
after that there was mass unemployment
riots broke out on the streets and everyone was struggling
apart from the politicians and bankers on tv
maybe I should be more like them I thought
they seem to have wife’s jobs and mortgages
but I wanted to live the rock and roll dream
so I moved in with my nan started drinking
moved in with friends discovered powders pot and poetry
now I carry two lighters a collection of notebooks and several pencils
in case I need a quick fix
still it doesn’t help this city smell any less like bad weed and piss
and it certainly wont fix the state of global politics
but at least I’m not alone now
we link arms scream under the stars
and celebrate the death of our creators dreams

Gary Huggins is a Kent/ Brighton based poet, writer of short fiction and experimental musician.
He is an active member of the Brighton poetry scene. And is in the process of publishing his first chapbook with ‘Famous Seamus’.
His poetry is often but not exclusively based around; addiction, activism, alienation, mental health, and jazz music. Often blending dark humor, with heartbreaking honesty, alongside both grotesque and alluring imagery.

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