Disappointing My Mother Is Easy All I Have To Do Is Wake Up by Thomas Fucaloro

The sadness
doesn’t strangle
more like massages
the neck into ballerina
stance, the throat confesses
in song what the madness
in the mind twirls.

I still think she is perfect.

I still try to perfect the think

of understanding

I am at the age

of unlimitless

understandingless.

That’s it, that’s what I have

understandless.

I want my money back.

I want everything back on this life.

My mother
doesn’t have
my back.

She has
my front
and she’s
leading me
straight
to hell.

It’s cold here.

Hell is cold here.

It’s like Staten Island.

I forget the wine
but I remember
the whisky.

This lost tongue sting
of fullness these sharks
of dementia and bi-polar
and Alzheimer’s and pills
to fight the dementia and
bi-polar and Alzheimer’s
the da-da, da-da. The madness
the sweet, sweet madness,
Ohh who can eat the most madness?
Da-da.

The only thing I have
in common with my mother
is we don’t want to be
here.

I wish we could go
back to the volcano
we came from.

We walk
towards
our own
bodies
my mother
is so much more
higher than I.

My mother doesn’t
recognize me
anymore.

She has boxed up all my magnets and skully caps and coloring books.

I don’t recognize my mother anymore. Da-da.

I don’t remember the beautiful moon
gloom of my mother’s cheeks
how they shimmered
like sad stardust.

I don’t remember the photograph
but I remember the painting.

After my mouth is done sleeping
in the laziness of blame, I become
angry. I become essay structure.
I become whatever god there is.
I become whatever god there ain’t.
I want to unleash my anger like the Sith.

I watch as my mother’s body shape
changes
like an open hand
closing
to a fist.

I want my money back.

I want to love the sadness in me.

I want to love the sadness in everybody.

Thomas Fucaloro
Thomas Fucaloro is an NYC poet. He has 2 books out by three rooms press, his latest one, “It Starts from the Belly and Blooms” has received rave reviews. He has graduated with an MFA at the New School for Creative Writing. He has been on 3 national slam teams and was the Inspired Word’s 2012 Grand Slam Champion. He is a co-founding editor of Great Weather for Media and NYSAI press. He is a writing coordinator at the Harlem Children’s Zone. He just recently won a performance grant from the Staten Island Council of the Arts and the NYC Dept. of Cultural Affairs. His new chapbook “Mistakes Disguised as Stars” by tired hearts press was released in March and his next chapbook “Depression Cupcakes” will be released in June through “Yes, Poetry.”
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