… Does Not A Picnic Make! by Paul Tristram

The ‘About’ section on your dating site page reads;
‘Kind, Sensitive, Caring, Loving Gentleman.
With A Passion For Music, Literature & The Arts.’
You were lying through your teeth!
You turned up well over half-cut
with your t-shirt on back-to-front?
Your explanation was; ‘I Dressed Myself This Morning.’
Then you screamed in a complete stranger’s face
for sneezing whilst passing too close to you.
I was horrified… I should have left at that point,
but, I’m a Psychology Major and was intrigued.
After that, we move onto the ‘Outdoor Lunch’
which you had previously promised me.
A bag of export lager, wine gums,
three packets of Hula Hoops (Why 3?)
and two joints of Kashmir black
does not a picnic make, I can assure you.
Then we arrive back at your place (Which is on wheels!)
and you take me over to the backroom,
after first passing your four zombie-like friends
bonging in the living… space, room or whatever it is?
And expect SEX, just like that, on a first date?
After I shake my head in disbelief
you offer me a line of cocaine
which you refer to as ‘Foreplay.’
There are a pair of pink, lacy underwear
stuck to your window with the word ‘Hate’
scrawled across them in what looks like blood?
But, the thing that pushed me completely over the edge
was discovering you have a cat named ‘Piss-Flap’
… seriously… who in their right mind does that?
I’m not playing hard to get at all
and I’m not getting in that bed with you,
even though it looks like you’ve started by yourself.
I don’t know whether to report you or write a thesis on you?

Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who has poems, short stories, sketches and photography published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight; this too may pass, yet. Buy his books ‘Scribblings Of A Madman’ (Lit Fest Press) http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1943170096 ‘Poetry From The Nearest Barstool’ at http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1326241036 And a split poetry book ‘The Raven And The Vagabond Heart’ with Bethany W Pope at http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1326415204 You can also read his poems and stories here! http://paultristram.blogspot.co.uk/

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