I Keep Getting These Urges Lately by Paul Tristram

We were off down the road,
middle of the day,
to buy amyl nitrate,
shotgun cartridges
& 8” skewers.
All sober as judges,
except me,
and I hadn’t long started.
Mr Shagrat was driving,
because of his ‘Outstanding’
When his missus,
sat in the front passenger seat,
opened a snickers bar,
snapped it in half,
then rammed both pieces
into her mouth
and started chomping
like a deranged mule.
It made Brittle,
sat in the back with me,
gag & wretch a little.
30 seconds or so later
& she turned her head sideways,
smacking both palms
against her own cheeks
with quite considerable force.
Sending this mass
of confectionary diarrhoea
straight into Mr Shagrat’s face.
He pulled over a bit sharpish
and slapped her across the chops.
“What’s wrong with you woman?
You trying to fucking kill us all?”
“I just keep getting these urges lately.
It’s getting harder to control them.
My therapist reckons
that they’re high anxiety,
crossed with a strain
of Tourette’s tick
and a form of panic attack.
But, it only started
when you fucked that Lucy,
the pretty one,
the pub singer
with the ‘Never Had Babies’ tits
and all that long, flowing hair…
and, and… and…
You Evil Fucking Bastard!
I Could Claw That Fucking Face
Clean Off That
Lying Fucking Head Of Yours!”
Yeah, & on that note
me & Brittle exited the vehicle,
leaving love, passion & emotion
to explode nuclear behind us,
outstanding warrants be damned.
We went to pick up our bits & pieces
on foot, getting a taxi back
(Well, almost back. They won’t go
onto an actual Traveller’s Site!)
“And that, my friend,
is why I’m single
& only have a fucking ‘Lend’
nowadays, innit!” said Brittle sagely.

Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who has poems, short stories, sketches and photography published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight; this too may pass, yet. Buy his books ‘Scribblings Of A Madman’ (Lit Fest Press) http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1943170096 ‘Poetry From The Nearest Barstool’ at http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1326241036 And a split poetry book ‘The Raven And The Vagabond Heart’ with Bethany W Pope at http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1326415204 You can also read his poems and stories here! http://paultristram.blogspot.co.uk/

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