Stop Freaking Out, Man… He Was Just Down There Sucking Muthafucking Snake-Bite Venom Outta It! by Paul Tristram

For Fuck Sake! You’re always jumping to the wrong conclusions.
You should be thanking him… he was saving my life.
Not that you care anyway, you selfish Bastard.
Eh? What’s not to believe? You’re nuts, it’s all in your head!
Of course it’s glistening, there was a fuck-load
of slurping & munching going on… shit’s in deep.
What? Damn right we’re naked, health & safety first, muthafucker!
The beer & drugs are for the pain, duh!
This is an accident scene not a party, fool.
He’s shaking ‘cause of ‘Venom-Shock’, dipshit!
You’re going ‘round in circles, chasing your own tail, again.
You haven’t even asked me how I am? I could have died.
I’d cry if I wasn’t so God Damned angry with you!
Oh, here we go with your Sherlock Holmes bullshit…
just ‘cause you’ve been lucky enough to never see a snake
doesn’t mean that we ain’t got none, buster…
you’ve never made me spurt but I know the potential exists, right?
You need to check your head, mate, seriously…
turn around and fuck off so we can get dressed in peace.
Leave, go… and in future, if you plan on being so fucking rude…
coming home from that factory early, have the decency to call first.

Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who has poems, short stories, sketches and photography published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight; this too may pass, yet. Buy his books ‘Scribblings Of A Madman’ (Lit Fest Press) ‘Poetry From The Nearest Barstool’ at And a split poetry book ‘The Raven And The Vagabond Heart’ with Bethany W Pope at You can also read his poems and stories here!

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