There Be Pirates Inside Me Mind by Paul Tristram

… but my Barrister was having none of it.
“Don’t say that in the Courtroom.
In fact, don’t open your mouth at all.
Except to confirm your name,
address and date of birth
and of course to plead ‘Not Guilty’.
Not only would they sting you
(Before we even got started!)
and throw the book at you.
You’d probably get done
for ‘Contempt Of Court’.
And maybe even Sectioned
under The Mental Health Act?
(Christ, I’m thinking about doing it myself…
and I’m being paid to be in your corner!)
Besides, it’s Roberts ‘The Hanging Judge’
and it would probably make him laugh,
everyone knows that’s not a good thing.
The last time someone forced a chuckle
out of him he gave them 8 years
before his frown had settled back into place.
Have another strong, black coffee,
in fact have two and another stick of Wrigley’s.
You smell like an explosion in a brewery
and our Trial’s in the big room, next but one!”

Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who has poems, short stories, sketches and photography published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight; this too may pass, yet. Buy his books ‘Scribblings Of A Madman’ (Lit Fest Press) ‘Poetry From The Nearest Barstool’ at And a split poetry book ‘The Raven And The Vagabond Heart’ with Bethany W Pope at You can also read his poems and stories here!

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