Country & Western Musicians Can’t Seem To Get Past A First Date Nowadays… Because, Every Night They Insist Upon Singing About Estranged Wives, Ex-Girlfriends, And The Unrequited Love Of Truck Stop Waitresses & Honky Tonk Barmaids… No One Likes A Fucking Whinger, Mate! (In E Minor) by Paul Tristram

I am sick to the hind teeth
of singing those lonesome,
campfire blues
over you, honey.
You were crap in bed
when you weren’t busy being average.
Your sister gives far better head…
and her ‘gag-reflex’
limits that experience
down to a task oriented procedure.
I’ll keep your name tattooed
upon my loving, manly chest
as a reminder of my lucky escape.
Thank fuck we didn’t have children…
there really must be a God up there!
If I take anything away from this mess,
besides bitterness, resentfulness
and extreme pessimism…
it’s that, now you’re out of the way
it leaves room for the next psychopath.
I’m quite looking forward
to emptying my ball-sack
into something prettier than you…
I’m not a mathematical man
but, I reckon the odds
are looking really good there.
I’ll be seeing you in Hell, sweetheart
and occasionally marauding
through my DTs…
but until then, Ruby…
for fuck sake, go take your love to town!

Paul Redwoods
Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who has poems, short stories, sketches and photography published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight; this too may pass, yet. Buy his books ‘Scribblings Of A Madman’ (Lit Fest Press) ‘Poetry From The Nearest Barstool’ at And a split poetry book ‘The Raven And The Vagabond Heart’ with Bethany W Pope at You can also read his poems and stories here!



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