Align your chakras, breath in and breathe out.
Chant Sanskrit mantras in a monotonous drone,
wear a cheap ass robe with “Hare Ram Hare Krishna”
or “Om Mani Padme Hum” written all over.
Repeat the words “Love”, “Energy”
and “Field” at least 20 times a day, run crash
courses on enlightenment online. Start a cognitive
revolution with weed, yoga,
meditation and over-romanticized sex.
Say “peace” everytime you talk, but cringe
on sharing a 40 of Olde English with your homes.
And no need to be nice to your family either, because
your Kundalini rises faster than the
speed of tangerine-hued crap-whoring overlord’s tweets.
Burn exotic incense from Far East, buy yourself
a badass Guru at taco’s price.
Get a big tattoo of “Oum” on your arm. Get that
spiritual incinerator burning all the bad auras, my man.