You’re Crazy… We Can’t Afford This Many Russian Hookers? by Paul Tristram

“Have you been hiding in the wardrobe
all of this fucking time?
I only found you by the laughing.
There are 5 car loads of Russian Hookers
in my Mother-In-Law’s front garden.
Luckily, none of them have had any
Welsh cock yet, or we’d be proper fucked.
The Pimp’s turned up
after the cat-fight in the kitchen
(There’s just not enough Super Glue
in the world for the best crockery!)
He’s on the blower, as we speak,
talking in all kinds of weird languages,
sounds like he’s calling for back-up.
He’s going absolutely fucking barmy,
rummaging around in the boot of his Merc,
clanging metal things about.
What do you mean… tie him up
and leave him naked down ‘Dogger’s Lane’
for the perverts to have him?
You’re nuts and not helping at all!
Yes… you sort it out, please… what?
your catapult’s in the powder room
the last time I saw it
(Remember you nearly blinded Tracy
doing a drunken William Burroughs’s!)
No, not the toilet, the actual ‘Powder Room’.
3 big tins of lighter fluid, we’re out…why?
Look, just go outside with your charming ways
and cancel the fucking order… you lunatic!”

Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who has poems, short stories, sketches and photography published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight; this too may pass, yet. Buy his books ‘Scribblings Of A Madman’ (Lit Fest Press) ‘Poetry From The Nearest Barstool’ at And a split poetry book ‘The Raven And The Vagabond Heart’ with Bethany W Pope at You can also read his poems and stories here!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s