A Valuable Lesson by Jon Bennett

Chafing was a big problem
so I took to carrying
a bottle of lube
into the video parlors
I’m not proud
of what happened
but one day
I was in there
and it was a really big
bottle of lube
I had stuck under my belt
like a pistol,
I guess when I made for it
the guy at the counter
got the wrong idea
Back on the street
a cop started following me
I didn’t know what
I’d done wrong
well, I did
but it wasn’t illegal
“Hey, buddy!”
said the cop
and I instinctively
pulled down my shirt
trying to hide
my lube
“Freeze!”
I put my hands up
and all the people watched
as the cop frisked me
and came out with
the lube
“You idiot,” he said,
“I almost shot you.  Next time
you want to jerk off
do it at home!”
Yes, I learned
a lot that day.

Jon Benett Painting
Jon Bennett hopes you’ll forgive his trespasses. — Painting by Andrea Hasko-Marx, c. 2017
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