Midget Porn & An Unhealthy Diet Of Hypochondria by Paul Tristram

So she went over to the corner shop
just as I was getting ready to leave
for the dayshift at The Plant.
It was just a whim really,
I grabbed my car keys & sandwich box
and crawled under our bed.
I wasn’t spying on her,
I’ve never had any reason not to trust her,
I just didn’t want to go to work, is all.
It was the single worse decision of my life.
I know she gets stressed out quickly
when all the kids are home from school,
well, quite a bit neurotic actually.
But, I’d always naively assumed
that when alone during the daytime
she’d do a spot of cleaning
& just chill the fuck out watching TV.
Jesus Christ… she’s actually frightened me…
she cried hysterically nine times (I counted!)
and belly-laughed twice an hour.
I didn’t realize that women, you know…
play with themselves so much,
I’m beyond intimidated,
and not all of that soft & gentle,
lovey-dovey crap you’d imagine neither.
My libido’s gone and done one, mate,
seriously, my cock’s all shrivelled up
and I can only use it for pissing through now.
In between all that carry on
she’s storming about the place in a rage
spitting (Dirty Bastard!) & hexing people…
mostly me… and I’ve been good to her?
I always thought she was a sweetheart
but it turns out she’s a complete fucking lunatic,
I’m absolutely terrified of her.
I’ll never eat there again…
weights dropping off me… look!
I’m packing up & leaving her next pay day
but up until then
I’m moving the two eldest boys in together
so I can have the front room near the street
just in case I have to scream for help one night?

black-derby
Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who has poems, short stories, sketches and photography published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight; this too may pass, yet. Buy his books ‘Scribblings Of A Madman’ (Lit Fest Press) http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1943170096 ‘Poetry From The Nearest Barstool’ at http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1326241036 And a split poetry book ‘The Raven And The Vagabond Heart’ with Bethany W Pope at http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1326415204 You can also read his poems and stories here! http://paultristram.blogspot.co.uk/
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