The Alcoholic Patsy by Paul Tristram

He doesn’t stop all that shaking
until halfway through his second drink.
Smiles and starts singing
on his third (This is the annoying phase).
Then suddenly begins weeping
in utter despair on his fourth.
It’s like a house of cards
toppling in upon itself…
it’s almost perfect in its patheticness.
Until blanking out completely on his fifth.
I swear, you can set your watch to it,
it’s going to be easy, a piece of piss.
His ex-wife got shot of him
using the very same tactic.
She got a mate to strip down to her underwear
and jump on the settee with him,
whilst he was half snoring
and pleading for mercy from the Past.
He saw the photos the next day
and acquiesced…
picked up the one bag she’d packed ready,
and said “I’m sorry…
you deserve much better than me.”
then meekly left by the backdoor.
We rub the weapon over his hands,
then hide it under the cushion he’s laying on…
place a fraction of the lifted goods
around his general, stinking vicinity,
and ‘Fanny’s Yer Aunt’
he’s in The Dock afore Christmas Time.

Paul Tristram is a Welsh writer who has poems, short stories, sketches and photography published in many publications around the world, he yearns to tattoo porcelain bridesmaids instead of digging empty graves for innocence at midnight; this too may pass, yet. Buy his books ‘Scribblings Of A Madman’ (Lit Fest Press) ‘Poetry From The Nearest Barstool’ at And a split poetry book ‘The Raven And The Vagabond Heart’ with Bethany W Pope at You can also read his poems and stories here!

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